Quirks presents...

8:54pm: Things must be bad
Picked up an essay mark from Politics this week. It was a 75, equating to an unequivocal first.

I nearly tore the feedback form up and treated it as untrustworthy.

Meanwhile, I still continue to struggle in Economics, and continue to assume that because this course is based in objective reality (with right and wrong), and Politics isn't, the former represents my true ability, the marks in the latter are merely acts of charity that will not go unresented.

Which leads me on to my next point. The musical is in early planning stages, very definitely on, and, well, if I get nothing more than three songs that work out of context then I'll not be massively disappointed and I'll try again in the 2010s. I'm planning out characters and their ranges at this point, deliberately ensuring that they are both relatively manageable (I'm taking Elphaba's two octaves + a major second as an upper bound) and spread out, rather than having nothing but tenors and high baritones amongst the male voices.

Two public performances of my creative work in successive weekends to come - the play next Friday and Saturday, the song for the choral concert on Eurovision night - might ease my Lyndsay-directed jealousy a little. Only a little. Until then, there's tomorrow's choral rehearsal (note-to-self: earlier time, 1800), my first chance to see Lyndsay since Wednesday night. The use of male voices will be mentioned in a conversation with her, and I shall save any blog post on the issue until I have heard Lyndsay's contribution, for it is certain to be worthwhile.

3:17pm: The Mennyms world premiere: oh, the jealousy
Last night was the night I'd chalked in as a night for envious glances for a long time. It was the first night of the first production of The Mennyms.

Envious glances at Lyndsay, of course, for she wrote it; and to a far lesser extent, the male cast members, all of whom usurped me on their way.

There were raffles for the Great Ormond Street Hospital in the foyer, including various guessing games (how many jelly beans in an overfilled 1kg tub, what's the name of the bear - my guess for the latter, almost mockingly, was Elphaba).

For some reason, songs from various incarnations of S Club greeted us as we entered the auditorium. I asserted that this was to make Lyndsay's music sound good. She was in the audience, as was Chris Allinson, as were several of my friends, including the producer Joey, who was my halls warden when I first arrived here, a WEAKEST LINK winner before that, and (by implication) someone whose response to my play I really, really want to hear.

The show began with a witty front-of-house announcement. No Quirks-unfriendly lighting warnings, not that such lighting would have put me off coming for this.

Cue the opening number, which was built around a motif of repeating quavers, jumping up briefly and heading straight back down again. The first and fourth quaver beats of every eight were emphasised, and in retrospect that's probably why I later envisioned a juxtaposition of it and the ITV NewsTabloid Myths music. Practically the whole of it was spoken; it was the reading of a letter from a mysterious 'Albert Pond' from Australia, who apparently wishes to buy the house in which the Mennyms - an anthropomorphised family of dolls - presently reside.

Cue various chaos from there, to be honest, along with some excellent singing from the male cast members while some of the female members struggled to be heard over the band. There were more cast members than there were portable microphones, the band was significant enough to make that an issue (two keyboards, a violin, a cello and an oboe with possibly something else, if memory serves), and that was a problem for the softer female voices. Interestingly, at least one cast member (whose part covered an extensive range, probably about two octaves - I did ask Lyndsay, and she couldn't remember off-hand) sounded clearer singing high, thus contravening the Brightman Rule. (A term I coined while speaking to Lyndsay about it, I think she was amused.)

A surprising lack of use of recurring motifs or reprises, though the ones that were there worked well; a distinct lack of male parts that did not have high notes (and now I know why I didn't get in; a G4 was a one-off fluke to me, but still not high enough for most musical theatre even if repeatable) probably worked well also, but is not something I intend to replicate in my own work.

All told, it was enjoyable. Only the opening motif stuck in my head, but no songs stood out as obviously bad, and the performance was generally good.

The new goal, which I informed Lyndsay of, is to write my musical in time for it to be performed two years hence. I believe the pitching of shows takes place in two waves, with the May show and June's '24-hour musical' (in which the cast and crew are only informed what show is being performed 24 hours before the first performance) confirmed at one meeting, and the two prior shows of the year (three, if you count the annual revue in December) confirmed at another. Goodness knows which I'll take. The second of the two earlier shows is the big show of the year, and it'll be in the professional theatre on campus (which puts on one show by the students per year, with the musical theatre, light opera and drama groups rotating the distinction - in that order, and it was the light opera group this year, so musical theatre in 2010), so it'll almost certainly be a well-known show with great reliance upon a largish stage and Quirks-unfriendly lighting. (Last year it was The Witches of Eastwick.)

I told Lyndsay that I intend to write the book, lyrics and music, and seek someone else for 'additional music and orchestration'. (The unspoken; potentially her. And just look at her, she can do all I couldn't do...)

10:47am: Possibly the real reason I'm disliking Economics...
...lots of graphical content. I'm not great at visualising it, and I'm even worse at reproducing graphs, and that creates a mental block that's sometimes even worse than that surrounding calculus.

Words and data analysis, that's a completely different story, and I'm actually really quite good at that. But graphical and algebraic analysis has an annoying knack for defeating me.

I have an option form for my third year, I am compulsed to study two specific Economics modules, it is possible for me to study no more Economics other than that. (The full regulations: those two Economics modules (a micro unit in semester 1, macro in semester 2), one futher Economics module, three free choices in Politics and a dissertation, but up to two modules in years 2 and 3 combined can be from selected other courses, and there are Sociology modules available without prerequisites from that degree, and I intend to choose one.)

In other news; thunderstorm this morning while I was still in bed. Aagh!

10:20am: Oh.
Consider this a heads-up for daweaver if he hasn't found out already.

7:54am: Exciting month ahead
To-day, it is - perhaps remarkably - my first full 90-minute football commentary, covering a match between teams from Surge (Southampton Uni radio) and Sin (Southampton Poly radio). The footage will be edited into a highlights package placed online.

I'm honestly terribly nervous about this; ( and here's why )

( Jealousy and Shiny Wibbles. Thankfully, not in tandem )

( Behind the next cut, news of a remarkable comment, along with rants against Endemol )

( Right event, wrong time )

6:04pm: This might be the best or worst thing I ever do
On May 1st, I will be doing this.

The aim: to battle my sensory issues with a bit of shock therapy, doing something that I'll find challenging yet oddly fun, and raising money for the National Autistic Society in the process. Several friends at university have already said it's a good idea and that they'll support me.

I just hope I don't have a meltdown on a crowded train...

6:06pm: Second-lesson syndrome doesn't strike: Sarah-Jane, 10/4, 1605-1645
Arrived bang on time, Sarah-Jane apparently hadn't, but turned out she was there, just not responding to my phone call. Got in near enough on time and started, with the focus once again being on 'Be Myself', which I'd just started writing some kind of harmony for.

The focus was on creating individual bass notes, which will form the basis of a higher harmony part later. Worked out quite well; there's actually something good coming out of here. Sarah-Jane also noted that the melody had been caught in her head, probably reflecting how simple (yet apparently effective) most of it is...

There'll be work on other things later. This is lovely, things really are happening.

6:06pm: I love it!
Turned the DAB radio on today to Radio 2, for some reason. Good call - Mayo was in for Ken Bruce, and the best host of the best Lottery Corp. game show had a feature on - of all things - the birdsong airing on Digital One's multiplex. Apparently it's proven popular, and he mixed samples of it with some other bird sounds from the BBC's music library.

Absolutely hilarious.

And quite frankly, such a fitting way out for my DAB radio. I'm replacing it with this, and using a 1GB micro-SD card with SD card adapter that remains unused from my now-lost Handy.

6:37pm: Late and 6/8 on 3/4: Sarah-Jane, 3/4/08, 1655-1740
A delay of almost an hour caused by bus and traffic problems, but Sarah-Jane was fine with it; her entire late afternoon was free.

Upon arrival, the good stuff started. She teaches out of her new second-floor flat, a relatively modern block right next to Southampton General Hospital (and the window has a view of that). Her keyboard is a Shiny, in silver with all sorts of interesting lights; the room was comfortable enough generally.

I had provided various pieces of work, the first being a song that's really a work-in-progress with most of the work having been done today. She appreciated the sensitivity of the lyrics, and we played about with the melody, including trying to decide if it was in 3/4 or 6/8. (Now, where have we discussed that one before, and what song am I now going to sing at karaoke in the city centre tonight...?) We settled on the latter. That's something to expand upon.

The next we looked at, a piece that I first wrote within weeks of arriving in Southampton. Goodness knows, the lyrics give that away to anyone who knows me well, as summarised by (the first variation of) the chorus:

It's the dream that has consumed me now for far too long
It's the dream of moving far away where I belong
It's the struggle overcoming those who swear I'm wrong
But I know I can be myself

One note was changed, an accidental added; already I'm feeling a tad more confident with those. Tried putting some single bass notes in as a simple accompaniment, and that's my task for the week, to finish that.

Finally, I showed her another work-in-progress, one that needs more work, and that's again to be looked at during the next week.

Sarah-Jane is a perfect fit for me. She understands where I'm coming from, she's known many people on the autistic spectrum (apparently having a relationship with one, in fact), and also she's just a very friendly and knowledgable person.

And once orchestration gets considered, well, her instrument is the 'cello...

6:15pm: Well that was clever
The 070 number was a typo for an 079, I somehow guessed this, and phoned Sarah-Jane with a 9 in place of an 0.

She was there. She pointed out the website in question has not corrected her typo despite her prodding.

But from one short conversation, she's sounding like a perfect fit. She takes on various students, specialises in those with some form of special needs and spoke of very positive experiences with former students with Asperger Syndrome, saying she finds them 'very intelligent and very creative'; more to the point, she's not arguing with my preferred focus on arrangement.

The trial lesson is tomorrow at 4pm. It's going to be a darned sight more interesting than GAMBLING PARTY at the same time, and there'll be the ObTrialLessonReview coming by 6.

Possibly with references to GAMBLING PARTY shoehorned in...

4:52pm: Theme and variation
Finally found a composition tutor.

She uses an 070 number, which after a quick Scroogle to reveal if that was a typo or not, makes a heck of a lot of sense for someone in her line of work. Still, by next year they should be moved to the vacant 06, and that can't come soon enough.

Phone up, and get an announcement that the call is charged at £1.50 a minute. That sounds utterly wrong, so I hang up, and then find this through a quick Scroogle. The calls should, in fact, be costing 20p per minute.

At this point I restart my search from scratch...

...but then realise my only two phones are one mobile and one NTL halls line. This may be it...

12:51am: Ugh
Back from Weymouth. Feeling horrifically squicky; still don't feel able to tell them about my vegetarianism, and of course they have sent me back with meat. I'll get through this, then it's back to Quorn...

Lacking greatly in self-confidence, desperate to find something to make me feel consistently happy, and still a long way from finding it...

Living on my own does feel unexpectedly bad. And yet... and yet... it's better than the alternative.

Finding a composition teacher is very, very much on the agenda again.

8:58pm: Ah!, the second
( Behind a cut, just in case )

8:38pm: Ah!
Iziblog is back. Should never have changed. Hey-ho. It's like a supermarket that shuts to repaint and move the shelving radically, and then you find it was better how it was before.

Anyway, I digress. Singing's going well enough, Helen says she'd like to work on low notes but knows where my priority is, simply adding that she doesn't want my low notes to go to waste as they are apparently rather good; there is a valid question as to the extent to which one chooses to either build on one's strengths or tackle one's weaknesses, and I suspect that the singer-songwriter will place more emphasis on the latter than a classical singer in particular (for the latter is judged on delivering certain expectations of his or her fach, whereas the former is judged on self-expression which can be constrained by weaknesses). Exam results were moderate: two in the low 60s (2:1) for Politics, two in the low 50s (2:2) for Economics, and enough of a gap in the pass rate to make me convinced that my real marks were four 2:2s. Treated it as a major failure, probably fairest to call it a modest performance rather than a disastrous one. Even a 2:2 would be a pretty substantial achievement from the position I was in before, but a too-easy first year (and my excessive drive to get through it to prove a point, while others boozed their way to low pass marks with a too-small minority failing) rather suggested otherwise.

And we elected a vacuous blonde girl as Student Union President, which riled me so much that I now intend to throw myself into SU politics. Have already put myself forward for the position of Sites Officer, which is not a sabbatical position as the Presidency and a few others are, and involves coordinating the various satellite sites (most pressingly at present; the Boldrewood site just west of the main campus, home to the medicine students, earmarked for demolition and replacement, and nary a medic seems to have a non-zero idea what the heck's going on). The current Sites Officer has gained the sabbatical position of Vice-President (Media, Communications), and in hustings had called for an e-marketing push including Bluetooth advertising. Guess what? I voted against him. Fortunately, this is almost certainly unviable, but I will fight tooth and nail against it if I have to... The rest of the sabbatical team are much better.

It's worth noting that Vacuous Barbie Girl - whom I rather imagine singing Popular (it's not about aptitude, it's the way you're viewed indeed) - was only known pre-campaign within the Athletic Union. Guess what? They elect their President on the same ballot. In an election where turnout is otherwise 20% if you're lucky, that's one heck of a way to manipulate the outcome of the other races. Make the AU election exclusive to AU members, do it at some other time, and you'll get better (or at least different) SU sabbaticals. Alternatively, do what our sixth form did after two years of disasterous elected representatives; put all candidates through an interview process, weed out any unsuitable candidates, then let the rest campaign. This year, that'd have almost certainly removed Barbie Girl, and if it didn't then it's not enough of an interview. (Disclaimer: I was on said interview panel, effectively partial apology for one member of staff stopping me from standing for the student union presidency anticipating me being unable to do the job, then failing to remove the elected representatives when they were rather proven inadequate. Apparently the anger spread, another from my sixth form stood for Vice-President (Education) and came second despite being a second-year; he'll be favourite when he makes a repeat run next year.) Replacing AV with the Borda count - as we did in the same year - might also work. It should be noted, however, that neither proved quite adequate to stop a third straight disastrous pair, and the Borda count was reversed, despite (because of?) the fact it was vanishingly close to changing the outcome.

There is something else to mention, but I shall put it in a separate post, behind a cut, for it may be triggering.

11:02am: The road back up starts... now
Karaoke night, and quite a night it was. Present from midway through were the vast majority of the Beggar's Opera cast and production team - including Helen (who had a small role with group singing and a few solo lines), Lyndsay (director), Chris (musical director, played an electronic keyboard set to sound like a harpsichord) and goodness knows how many others. Also present were a number of the musical theatre group, including CE. That's relevant.

By that point I'd already sung a couple of things; Frozen went oddly well, Wind Beneath My Wings suffered from a technical problem that caused the backing track to fade and die, although I kept singing for a while unaccompanied. Cue jokes about it sounding like an audition for The Why Factor; I was more thinking of a audition for the musical theatre group. Of which our host is a part...

(Tangentially: I have had it suggested that I should apply to be next year's host, and I am extremely tempted. Am working on the assumption it won't happen, but we'll see. First thing that will change; new songs. The last song list update was in November 2005. No, really.)

CE comes along. I suggest singing a duet with her at some point, because, you know, I'm writing a duet for myself and her. She suggests that I pick a song and she'll join me midway through it; I'd worry about picking a song that she couldn't sing, but we're talking about someone who can handle the role of Elphaba here, so frankly there is not a concern on that front. I consider possible songs, contemplate Relight My Fire with CE to take the role of Lulu, reconsider on the grounds of not being quite able to remember the verse (when in fact the correct reason was concern over it being too high), consider some more. Get approached by a random blonde to sing a duet. Decide it's worth it, consider options, wind up opting for When You're Gone. Split it up slightly differently, I took the first verse and her the second, and she was given the main melody for the final chorus while I harmonised. Was quite amusing, though by her own admission she wasn't that good.

So, then, I waited to sing with CE. And waited. And waited some more. During this time, I chatted to Lyndsay, and contemplated the viability of writing musical theatre parts for high female voices; I proposed G(a)linda as the template, Lyndsay pointed out much depended on the singer. (The unspoken: high female voices in musical theatre are indeed a bad fit, unless you're Kristen Chenoweth.) I chatted to Helen also, elaborated on the strategic plan, laughed at someone singing When You Say Nothing At All moderately badly (it was, I think, the first song I learned with Gemma, and I told Helen that), and generally had good conversation.

I then got called again. Oh, I was excited now. CE remained off the stage, she would emerge at the appropriate moment. Namely the end of the first chorus, for we were singing Against All Odds, and the strategy here was for me to sing the first verse and CE the second.

I honestly think I sung rather well. I was nervous as CE remained talking for some time, and audibly called her up a good three lines before I needed to. She came along. She started singing. Her first line was somewhat dodgy, and the microphone was rather further away than certainly I would put it. To the point where I didn't know if she could be heard.

Then I realised.

Giving CE a microphone is like giving NuLab the ability to remove the Human Rights Act. It adds power when there's more than enough already. This was hinted at when she utterly drowned out Surge and backstage techie Andy in a duet of Everything I Do, and was evident again here. Once she got going, she certainly got going, and I was very impressed. I harmonised in the extended final chorus, and all in all it quite worked.

Beckie - who is singing with CE in the SSAA piece I have written for our choir's concert later this year - told me, with no obvious irony, that I was better than her.

Frighteningly, I didn't immediately argue back. Granted, CE was probably drunk, but she sounded an awful lot better than last week when she certainly was highly inebriated...

Finally I was able to believe in myself. About time, too.

Spoke to Lyndsay again afterwards, asserted that an adversarial duet (Defying Gravity being the example I used) would work well, and that CE could do 'angry' quite brilliantly. Said the same to Joey too, and enquired about the new writers' showcase that the university's straight drama group put on annually, this year in May. (Last weekend was their improv-driven variety show; would have gone, but was warned that the techies would resort to Big Shinies given any chance whatsoever, and settled instead for sticking around after Duel for Thank God You're Here, which left me unexpectedly cold - perhaps because of being quite a comedown from the previous hour - but I'm quite willing to give it another try.) Sketches are around ten minutes' each; I'm trying to decide what to do with mine. Something satirical, that's for sure, and a parody of the game show genre through a contestant drawn in by an Edmondsesque host has room for making points about psychological pressure and individuality, which obviously is home territory for me.

Speaking of home territory, here's one for the irony books: the jazz/gospel choir I chose not to join on sensory grounds are performing later in the year... in Weymouth.

Upon arriving home, I wrote alternative lyrics to (part of) a melody that our main reader will be familiar with, relating to a current event; I will post said lyrics ifwhen this comes to pass.

---

Incidentally: when did Millionaire stop using 'it's only easy if you know the answer' as a catchphrase? I'm sure I've not heard it in a long time.

Of course, as dropped catchphrases go, Deal or No Deal dropping 'the show that gives real people a real chance to win real money' stands out as the most telling. Was that the moment that show jumped the shark?

11:27pm: Making alternative teachers look like absolute doughnuts: Helen, 13/2/08, 1005-1050
Delayed a few minutes by my own doing - needed to get the money for the lesson from a cashpoint, at which there was a delay - the second lesson began. My first ever 45-minute lesson, the price of £7.50 is certainly money well spent, and this lesson showed it.

The warm-up placed a fair emphasis on humming - this seems to be typical of Helen, certainly at the very start of warm-ups, and while this was also done by Gemma and Shylo it was seldom to this extent - and produced some useful hints, most notably for 'oo' sounds to be made with a roughly circular opening in the mouth that should be larger at higher pitches.

The strategy for future lessons was planned out at the end of this warm-up; you've already seen it described, suffice to say she approved. Oh, and she's actually got her own copy of the very same book of art songs I acquired in Oxfam, apparently...

She herself suggested musical theatre, asking what I felt about it (to which my reply was that it would fit very well with me, especially given its lyrical complexity and hence focus on diction, as well as of course my desire to write in that medium); Rodgers and Hammerstein, and specifically South Pacific, was mentioned, and is likely to be coming next. The art songs will no doubt be considered; their role will probably grow later on, for no other reason than how many of them have an F as their highest note. Although transposition is an option, and one Helen is quite willing to adopt. Kelly Clarkson will also remain in the rotation, with Because Of You next. (Ironically, she'd heard this on the radio and thought of me...)

And of course it was to Breakaway we turned, working very much on the diction, and the priceless suggestion that I should move my mouth frantically in the verses to the point that I would 'look like an absolute doughnut'. Was alarmingly effective, that.

We meet again next week. Any change to the 45-minute duration - which does seem to work, I think - will be to one hour. I cannot see any way I will not continue with Helen for the forseeable future. Granted, Shylo and Gemma were impressing at this point, but Helen has avoided the trap of the latter, seems more efficient and oddly approachable than the former (being a fellow student helps), and far more affordable than either. I'm sold.

11:00pm: A very short review of "The Beggar's Opera" (Nuffield Theatre, LOpSoc, 13/2/08)
And to quote daweaver... 'No-one knows what these soprano singers are on about.'

1:37pm: Canny consumerism
Saturday morning saw me spend a non-trivial amount of money in shops in central Southampton for, I believe, the first time ever. It's certainly the most I've ever spent there.

Every purchase, though, has 'long-term thinking' written all over it:

* Pack of two airers, Argos. Saves money and CO2 from using the tumble driers in the hall launderette.
* Four rechargeable D batteries, Argos. For powering my cheap-but-useful electronic keyboard.
* Solar-powered recharger, Maplin. Which goes with the last one, natch.
* Old book of short classical pieces, Oxfam. Many of these are English translations; composers represented by more than one piece are Brahms, Schumann, Schubert, Franz and Arne (with two settings of Shakespearian text, one of which is familiar to me).

And here lies the long-term thinking. All these are written in the treble clef, are all seen as suited to transpositions of an octave... out of twenty-five, no fewer than eleven have a highest note of F5. Most of the rest seem to go up to F#5... on the other hand, precisely one goes below C4.

Oh heck, summary. I think we have a regular feature here.

The Hundred Best Short Songs, Book Two
Lowest note: B3
Highest note: G5
Largest range: compound sixth
Smallest range: one octave
Note: apparently Books One and Two are intended for 'Soprano, Mezzo-Soprano, and Tenor' and Three and Four for 'Contralto, Baritone and Bass'. The ranges of each other song in the other books are listed, though Two was the only one in this Oxfam; all seem to be similarly demanding, and roughly in an order from highest (One) to lowest (Four). The differences are not that significant, however; roughly one tone separates each book on average, and there is more intra- than inter-book variation.)

A mildly interesting comparison with Clarkson, there. Yes, this analysis is going to come with every book of sheet music I acquire.

There is now actually a strategy here, which shall be suggested to Helen tomorrow. Flit between styles - pop, classical art song, musical theatre - while making a general progression, specifically towards songs that stretch my range upward, perhaps working on other things. That said, the stylistic variation will account for those 'other things', I suspect.

One way to do it; after Breakaway, move on to one of the art songs, the obvious choice in this collection being the English translation of Brahms' Wiegenlied (Cradle Song), the range of which is Eb4-Eb5. (Read: Eb3-Eb4, in my case.) The next reversion to the Clarkson canon - which may or may not then be preceded with something from musical theatre, and if it does then that probably means I Couldn't Be Happier - could then be to Because Of You. Recall that this was recorded such that its highest note is F5, but is written a semitone lower. Instant opportunity for progression! After that, the art songs can come back, and then... goodness knows.

I am, of course, a strategist in almost anything I do. This is certainly no exception.

1:01pm: Further to the Week
I think the biggest problem is that it's more tempting to quit after two Duels than three when it really should be the reverse. £5k/5% and £25k/25% perhaps? That might at least tempt people on to three Duels.

That said, I think my strategy now would be to turn down the fixed sum but take the proportion of the jackpot. Note also that the size of the jackpot would barely affect my decision-making - as it starts at the final point of inflection on my utility curve - but for the percentage chip. Ten (or indeed fifteen) grand with one more win for either One Rock or thirty grand, and two more for £150k? The former step means rather less than the latter. Ten grand with one more win for either One Rock or sixty grand, and two more for £300k? Completely different proposition.

The Commentariat are likening this to Greed; I think this is perhaps down to a combination of risk-averse contestants, perhaps a slight uncertainty about the true nature of the gamble, probable uncertainty over the prospective opponents and the fact that M.N. No Deel Sod is a couple of hundred miles west-north-west of the Duel Arena, and Nick Hancock is a couple of hundred million miles away in his approach.

(Seriously, I don't think there's ever been a UK game show where contestants have been consistently less risk-averse than Deal or No Deal. The only other possibility is Millionaire, but even then the Duncan Bickleys and Rob Mitchells were very much the exception. How many people stopped on £64,000 even with a 50:50? Too many, that's for sure. If it were not, the new tree would not have gone £50k - £75k - £150k.)

12:59pm: Third time lucky: Helen, 6/2/08, 1000-1100
Ten hours before Fabio Capello had his chance to prove his reputation, Helen got her chance to prove a rather smaller and different one.

( Fairly detailed report, includes an unlikely diversion )

11:32pm: Longing for love and the logical. Mostly the logical.
Various emails were exchanged between me and Helen at the weekend. Highly promising signs as Helen says she understands my concerns about pigeonholing (she's generally classified as a mezzo-soprano - as, indeed, would Gemma - but said she continues to work on range expansion beyond the regular confines of that pigeonhole). In that same email, a statement that sounded deceptively innocent.

'Would you be able to bring something along to sing with you so I can hear you sing something you are comfortable with?'

Of course, I thought. Then ah, all my sheet music is for choirs, that's no bloody good. Then right, to the music shop on Tuesday when it next opens then.

On Monday, I was close to deciding upon something from Wicked, almost certainly I Couldn't Be Happier (read: Elphaba's solo verses from Thank Goodness, cut-and-pasted into a new song for the purposes of the piano-and-voice score so that it stands alone as a solo piece). Whaddya know, the Wicked score has been purchased.

Start looking for alternatives. These seem to fall under four categories.

1. Scores for musical theatre productions I am almost totally unfamiliar with. No bloody good here, though of value when it comes to my own composition perhaps?
2. Audition books aimed at male voices. The median highest note in these appears to be about A4. Recall that this is even above what I produced on January 16.
3. Audition books aimed at female voices. The median highest note in these appears to be about D5, and one in three go down to E3. The songs also seem to be insufferably clichéd and/or not suited to me singing them an octave down.
4. Various album songbooks and compilations of hits recent and otherwise. The same rules about male and female voices apply.

If I'd only nabbed the Breathe In songbook in Weymouth at a knockdown price... oh well.

Ended up gathering thoughts, eventually revisiting after a later lecture (yes, I needed that much time to try and decide), and eventually made the call - it was always going to be an album songbook, it came down to a choice between Let Go and Breakaway. Clarkson won out over Lavigne.

Checking through the book on the bus back... this could not be better. Remember, I presently quote my range as F2-E4 - subject to update tomorrow morning - and will be singing these songs precisely an octave below written pitch.

( Behind this cut, the range of every song on the album. Yes, including the live version of Beautiful Disaster. )

Well, that looks good, doesn't it. Extrapolating my best-case scenario from last month, I can sing every note on the album an octave down. Even being more realistic, there's nothing too low here, and precious little too high - and there's plenty of wiggle room for downward transposition in a couple of cases. (Where Is Your Heart could usefully be transposed a major third down, ditto Walk Away.)

In case I end up acquiring books like this on a regular basis, and I might - the difference in cost between Helen and Shylo for an hourly lesson is roughly the cost of one audition book, and while I won't be buying that many I'm sure this won't be the last - a summary.

Kelly Clarkson - Breakaway
Lowest note: F3
Highest note: G5
Largest range in one song: two octaves
Smallest range in one song: compound major second

Back to Helen. There's value in working through the break. Possibly. Helen's background is in classical training, so expect her to treat this with disdain. Indeed, I was terrified for a while of opting for something so overtly pop, and may defensively insist this is simply for illustrative purposes. Only defensively. Quite honestly, there's only so much of significance here; I'm down to 30-minute lessons for the first time, most of my priority is quantifiable improvement probably best served by technical exercises, Helen knows this, there won't be nearly as much singing-of-songs as I'm used to. That's something now very clearly in my hands. And that is where possessing a deceptively appropriate pop songbook will come in very handy.

Not to mention the idea of a slightly unexpected piano cover of Behind These Hazel Eyes...

The post on Helen's lesson has been added February 7, 2008.

( A little extra: a list of ranges of various songs that were in songbooks of some sort that I spotted/perused in my search. )

2:33am: Bizarrely late update
Trial lesson with Helen, Wednesday, 1000-1030. Expect a blog post late Wednesday morning.

9:33pm: Finally we're back in business!
Lawks, that outage was more than long enough.

Three exams done, I've no idea how well I've done in them and that uncertainty is the worst thing. Two of them have been blatantly simplified - one being reduced to covering just 40% of the course in the essay choices and announcing this in advance thus meaning 60% of the course was for nearly nothing (in fairness, it was the final part of the course, the areas that weren't covered in any possible coursework essay), the other has already been mentioned. Great, that means I'll scale down my marks dramatically regardless of what they are and then judge on those marks.

My self-esteem crisis seems to be threatening to plumb new depths. Enthusiasm seems to be entirely confined to my radio and my writing. Dreams of a career in radio are suddenly starting to grow quite significantly; the pipedream of sports commentary may fall foul of my sensory difficulties, alas. I genuinely am starting to wonder if this university lark is worth it. That, twelve months ago, was about as unthinkable as a Division VI (S) side leading away from home to one of the four elite teams in the country. (Oh.)

Last exam Monday morning. Then it's a week off, during which time I am going to be frantically composing. Probably with specific goals from time to time - might help. And here's one, given my long-term goal; writing a series of melodies of possibly varying duration, which could be used as recurring motifs for the musical. And perhaps then find ways to string them together.

To tie these two threads together; I can only judge from the songs, for I have not seen the show, but from that alone I can fairly safely judge that I relate to Elphaba more than any other character in any form of fiction I have ever encountered. Granted, that's not a huge amount of competition, but the bar has been set very high indeed. I can't put it any better than I did to NI in electronic communication last week, so I shan't try:

I've gone from realising I have a certain talent and could and should use it (The Wizard and I), having to fight and fight against my well-meaning but constraining family to get my chance (Defying Gravity), being overwhelmed when it actually happened (Thank Goodness), then falling apart and now finally realising maybe I'm not who I thought I was (For Good).

Of course, the omissions are interesting enough in themselves. I don't think I've acquired the malevolent streak implied in No Good Deed (yet...), and I will never acquire the desire implied in As Long As You're Mine. But the more general character arc - of a successful fight for freedom gone somewhat awry - is resonating like no other story I've ever encountered.

It is very rare for me to cry. Listening to Idina Menzel as Elphaba does the trick at least every other time. There was no choral rehearsal tonight, so it'll be another week before I discover if actually singing For Good in a choir retains its 100% record of making me cry...

11:58pm: My woodland stream has met Calculus Boulder
Talk about dumbing-down - Macroeconomics exam today was not 'two questions from a choice of three in each of two sections, two hours' but 'one question from a choice of two in each of two sections, two hours'. The questions were longer, but it is laughable to claim they were twice as long. If I pass, that's why, and I won't consider it legitimate unless I'm at least out of the bottom quartile. And I won't be.

Because I'm useless at algebraic manipulation, graphical manipulation and essentially the logic of economics. The spark has quite spectacularly fizzled out, and the course now seems deadly dull and dreadfully difficult.

Politics, on the other hand, feels alarmingly manageable. I say 'alarmingly' because I was still convinced that in fact I am a mathematician making excuses for his non-ability even in mathematics by taking a cowardly way out towards a pure essay subject, one that just about anyone can do. Clearly, Politics must be lacking in rigour if I, a mathematical type, can do better in it than Economics.

Never did I consider the possibility that I am in fact better at essays; that their internal logic is more suited to my autistic mind than algebraic manipulation; that my way with words exacerbates this advantage in essay-writing, allowing for interesting and/or concise expressions of ideas, a talent further honed through my lyric writing (lawks, five years I've been doing that now - doesn't feel it, but then I couldn't imagine a time when I wasn't doing it now). Two years not studying maths can't have helped, but I suspect it wasn't the critical factor.

Spoke to my tutor, who was most helpful, and pointed out that many Aspies are told they're 'meant' to be mathematical when their talents may lie elsewhere. And so it is that two of my four courses for the next few months have been changed, of which the critical change is the addition of a research module in Politics, which acts as preparation for a dissertation.

Read that again. Twelve months after the ill-fated decision to chase the Econometrics stream, I have decided to do a dissertation in a subject I wasn't even studying until two years after it was first a possibility for me.

Who can say if this is a change for the better...

9:52pm: In retrospect this counts as Total Non-Surprise Of The Week
Choral rehearsal tonight, a short one due to exams; the new piece for the night was For Good. Yay.

Until I started singing it.

Overcome by emotion - and that takes some doing - I burst into uncontrollable tears, and was ushered away by our excellent President Matt, who sings with the basses in rehearsals (for that is his part) and helps out at other points. Waiting for things to happen. Things like this.

He kept reminding me that I really have made it here, to a good university, one that 'doesn't accept dossers' (and pointed out that it was only a significant event in Year 13 that stopped him from going to Cambridge, for he had received a conditional offer but circumstances prevented him from attaining it - instead, he took his insurance option of Southampton or was sent there by clearing, it was not clear which, and says he has still felt stimulated), and that the issues of independence had perhaps gone away.

All true. And all, in this case, completely missing the point.

Had this been, oh, any of the other Elphaba songs that make me cry, that would not have been so. But For Good is altogether different, relating as it does to a certain guilt in such detachment, of reflecting upon what has been gained from attachment, and it was that which made me cry. (Now, Defying Gravity, that be another matter. And Popular, another matter again. See posts passim.)

I now know the ranges of all four people in the acapella group. They are far too similar for comfort, and for the person who can sing A5 and the person who can sing F3 to be the same (CE) is not good... CE might end up as a second alto, and that is arguably a waste of her talents.

She can shine instead in her other performance, showing up yours truly in a duet...