: Not quite sure how to blog about this
I am honestly feeling in a state of limbo. Activities that normally interest me suddenly aren't - I haven't picked up Alice since returning from Southampton, to take one example - and I genuinely do not quite have a sense of belonging or purpose.
I've shut myself away from the family, out of what I think is paranoia; I'm so petrified of losing my new-found independence that any conversation with those who did have me under my wing makes me nervous. Just in case... I can't pin it down...
...and then I was reminded that it was me, and not my family, who prevented me going to university. I lied to friends about it at the time, and over time it became an established truth. The reality, as I was reminded yesterday, was that I had internalised limited misgivings that Mum had expressed as being fierce opposition, these merged into my own fears about university, and the result was a wasted year that dissolved into bitterness.
And the regrets are striking back again...
I am genuinely unsure about what to do now. This fear is not going away, the crash from the euphoria of EUC07 has not been followed by any real recovery, and I feel my life is just ticking down to October...
I am honestly feeling in a state of limbo. Activities that normally interest me suddenly aren't - I haven't picked up Alice since returning from Southampton, to take one example - and I genuinely do not quite have a sense of belonging or purpose.
I've shut myself away from the family, out of what I think is paranoia; I'm so petrified of losing my new-found independence that any conversation with those who did have me under my wing makes me nervous. Just in case... I can't pin it down...
...and then I was reminded that it was me, and not my family, who prevented me going to university. I lied to friends about it at the time, and over time it became an established truth. The reality, as I was reminded yesterday, was that I had internalised limited misgivings that Mum had expressed as being fierce opposition, these merged into my own fears about university, and the result was a wasted year that dissolved into bitterness.
And the regrets are striking back again...
I am genuinely unsure about what to do now. This fear is not going away, the crash from the euphoria of EUC07 has not been followed by any real recovery, and I feel my life is just ticking down to October...