When KP gambles, you know he's got a conviction and a half
£1.88, Russia win, 3.00
50p, Russia win 1-0, 7.00
50p, no goalscorer, 6.50

I admit I'm still 13p down in the event of a 0-0, or if England win courtesy of an own goal. But 13p to make a tedious match more interesting would have to be considered a good investment. Indeed, £2.88 is less than most people will spend on alcohol to make this match more exciting, and there is the prospect of a return far better than liver poisoning. (A Russia win courtesy of an own goal would make all three bets hit, total profit just shy of a tenner.)

Let's be honest, it's still better than GAMBLING PARTY on the other side. At least I'm being more fiscally responsible than Mr Edmonds, who is taking about the same attitude as me to sums of money but three or four orders of magnitude higher, sums of genuine significance for more than a few minutes.

Edit at half-time: Lawks, England have only gone and bloody taken the lead. Sod this for a game of soldiers, not playing this nonsensical game anymore. I feel like I've lost £288, not 288p. I am reckless.

Somehow have to clear my head before the trial with Chris at 1830...

Edit at full-time: 'you had two hundred and eighty-eight pence. You could have stayed away from the betting shop...

...you've just won FIVE HUNDRED AND SIXTY FOUR PENCE!' *Strachan music cue*